Gonna make you wonder why you even try (Hard Times)

Hey guys, it has been a while…

June has been a very hard month for me. At the end of May, my moods started to take a weird turn. As I was finishing writing my last blog post about 13 Reasons Why, I realised that I really just wasn’t as passionate about writing that post as I thought I was originally. Even as I posted that update, I really didn’t care what I was writing, and to me, that was a problem. I actually think I will delete that post.
As I realised this, I realised that I hadn’t been passionate about anything for a while, even drawing… I realised that I was starting to struggle. I had set myself a goal of writing a blog post, as well as publishing a youtube video, a week, and it started to become more about getting those posts out, rather than the actual content I was posting. And to me, that wasn’t okay. I don’t want my blog to be filled with meaningless posts that I couldn’t care less about. I want the site to be filled with everything I care about, even if it never matters to anyone else, it matters to me.

Once I realised this, I thought I would take a week or so to reevaluate what was important to me, and what kind of content I wanted to create. This didn’t really work. I did get a lot of reevaluating on myself, and my goals, but lately… the moments of feeling motivated and happy have become overshadowed by feeling defeated.
Since moving, I have tried my hardest to get my mental health in check, but sometimes, after trying so long, and taking blow after blow that life deals you, it can get rough. As much as I have always known what I want out of life, I am not so sure anymore. I feel almost like I have spent too much time waiting to pursue my dreams, that they may not be right for me anymore.

I could go on talking about all the things that are making me feel more and more overwhelmed, but I don’t really want to dwell on the negative stuff. I am trying very hard to stay positive, but it does get hard sometimes. An entire month is a very long time to be stuck in a low mood, so it did get to a point where I was ready to give up.

I may not be entirely sure where I am going, I am just trying to find my motivation for things again. I just got a new job which I am so excited to start, and recently have started to get back into archery. I also have a huge project for this blog in the works (#empowermentproject), and I am staying more focused on what I want to create, than what I think people would want to read about. Posts may not be every week, I might not be able to make the creative juices flow to fit a schedule, and I am sorry for that. But I really do appreciate every single reader of this blog, I am beyond thankful that you guys stick with me, I hope you like the changes to come, and continue to read the content (even if it isn’t as frequent as many other blogs).

Chelsea x

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